


Prince Charming

by JennaLee



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: "Call Flula", Fairy Tale Logic, Fluff and Crack, Kitten!Link, Link is the damsel in distress, M/M, Magic Kisses, Rhett is Prince Charming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 17:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5099750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaLee/pseuds/JennaLee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the universe works in mysterious ways. When two men need a supernatural push to discover their true feelings for each other, the cosmos interfere and strange things happen. Rhett must help Link find his true love in order to lift the curse on him - but who could it possibly be?</p><p>(In which Link gets turned into a kitten, Rhett ignores the obvious, Jessie is very patient, and Flula is the man with the plan.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prince Charming

It was a dark and stormy night.

No, really. The funny thing about that was that the weatherman had promised clear blue skies and pleasantly hot temperatures. Angelenos everywhere collectively lost their minds when the black clouds enveloped the city around five o’clock. Just in time for rush hour. Everyone else had gone home in a hurry, but Rhett had volunteered to stay late. The patter of rain and the steady booms of thunder were a distant concern. He was warm and dry and enjoying the peace and quiet. He had no idea that this was no ordinary evening. 

The peace and quiet was shattered abruptly but the tiniest, cutest noise in the world.

“Mew?”

Rhett frowned and tried to locate whatever annoying auto-play ad had started to unceremoniously play audio in the middle of his research. He was busy, dangit. Here he was, putting in overtime after everyone else had gone home. Link wasn’t even here. Of course, he had to go home to his family. Rhett was lucky – his kids were gone for three days on a field trip organized by another home-schooling couple from their church. He decided to use some extra time to plug away at some work, planning future GMM episodes, especially the ones where he created a game for Link to play since the man couldn’t look over and see what Rhett was researching or writing. 

“Mew.”

 _I thought I installed an extension to block that stuff,_ he thought irritably, searching frantically for the source of the advertisement or whatever it was. Maybe he needed to re-set the browser. With a quick touch of his finger, Rhett bookmarked the page he was on and closed the window entirely. Cat videos were sweet and everything, but he’d seen too many to count. Cats were all over the Internet. That one from Japan, Maru, got more Youtube hits by jumping headfirst into a box than he and Link did on a video that took days of research, a fantastic talented team of people, an incredible LA studio, and nine minutes of on-air discussion. 

“Mew!”

Okay, so it wasn’t coming from his computer. Somebody was playing a prank on him or something. One of his employees had only pretended to leave the studio. “Eddie, is that you, man? That’s pretty realistic! Did you want me to pet you or somethin’?” Rhett joked, smiling as he twisted around in his chair and scanned the room for possible hiding places. His smile faded. There were none – at least, none that could accommodate an adult human being. “Lizzie?” he called. “Chase?”

Silence. Then – 

“ _Hissss!_ ” Something warm, soft, and decidedly fluffy brushed against Rhett’s ankle. Then ten sharp pinpricks jabbed into the sliver of exposed skin beneath the hem of his pants, making him leap to his feet and yelp loudly. He wheeled his leather chair back from the desk and stared, speechless. There was a kitten under his desk. A tiny black kitten with bright blue eyes. 

“Aw, hey there, buddy,” Rhett cooed, immediately feeling bad for startling the poor thing. It was just scared. Was it old enough to even be away from its mother? Not being a cat person, Rhett couldn’t tell. It was roughly the size of one of his hands, although it might have been even smaller. At the moment, the kitten was puffed up indignantly. Its short chubby tail whipped from side to side and its ears were almost flattened to its head. It was angry. That probably didn’t bode well.

Well, better a kitten than a cat. Nobody could ever claim to not like _kittens._ Cats, on the other hand, were an entirely different story. They looked evil. They might actually be evil. Who knows what they were thinking? They made no sense. Unlike dogs, who were friendly and happy and helpful. Dogs wanted to be your best friend. Cats wanted to shred curtains, kill birds, and race around the house like whirling dervishes. Plus they carried that weird toxoplasmosis parasite that turned people crazy. 

“You aren’t old enough to have toxoplasmosis, huh?” Rhett asked, trying to pet it without getting his hand clawed off. It twitched at the light stroke of his hand, but didn’t try to scratch. Slowly, it’s puffy fur smoothed back down. “You’re not such a mean little guy after all, are you?” Or was it a little _girl?_ He scooped the tiny kitten up to place it on the desk, ready to catch it if it tried to run towards the edge. It could fall off and hurt itself. “Okay, I can figure this one out,” he muttered to himself, turning the kitten to face away from him and lifting up its tail. Or maybe not. It was all just fur back there. Before he could look again the kitten started to bolt. Rhett caught it and held it still, momentarily panicked. “Don’t run,” he told it. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to know if you were a boy kitty or a girl kitty.”

The kitten looked angry again. What reason would a kitten have to be angry? Then Rhett considered what he would feel like if a giant a hundred times his size reached a hand the size of his whole body down from the heavens to touch his butt. Probably kind of freaked out. “Meow,” Rhett tried. “Mew. I speak cat too.” He petted the fluffy head awkwardly with two fingers.

“Mew,” it said again as if to show him how it was actually pronounced.

“Gosh, you’re so soft. I wish I could take you home with me,” Rhett said, his words startling himself. Take it home with him? He didn’t want a cat! He was getting a dog next year! Besides, who knows what mischief his kids would get up to with this thing that could easily be crushed beneath someone’s foot or flushed down a toilet? Not that either of his kids had flushed anything important down the toilet since the incident with Shep and one of Rhett’s socks years ago.

“Mrrrrr? Mrrr-ow.” The kitten stared at him hard, willing him to understand. One paw tapped him on the hand.

“I…I don’t know what that means. Do you want to play?” Rhett let out another yelp of surprise when the kitten made a heroic leap off his desk and onto the floor. The claws skittered on the slick surface as it rounded the corner and it nearly wiped out. It recovered with surprising speed, fleeing into the room with their Good Mythical Morning set. 

“Hey! Come back!” It was useless. “Oh, crap,” Rhett muttered. What if it got lost? What if it somehow got stuck in a vent or trapped on the roof or managed to get outside only to be hit by a car? Rhett’s breath began to race as he ran after the tiny terrorist. Even though he’d just found the small animal, he already felt a great attachment to him. Or her. And the dang thing was nowhere to be seen as Rhett scanned the room. The situation called for cursing, something Rhett rarely did. “Fuck,” he said firmly. If ever there was an occasion to use such a bad word, losing a helpless, adorable kitten in his workplace was it.

Finally, he noticed where it was. It had managed to climb onto the GMM desk and was sitting in front of an open laptop, staring intently at the screen. Rhett walked around behind the desk and slid into his familiar seat on the right side.

“Did you just…open Microsoft Word?” He was positive that computer had been turned off. Wasn’t that Link’s laptop? Dang – it was! _He’s got a password lock! Even if he leaves it idle, it just goes to sleep and needs a password when it’s reactivated!_ How did a kitten –

 _Link must have changed the settings, stupid._ His cheeks burned. Man, he could use a coffee. “What are you lookin’ at, kitty?”

It turned its head to the side and stared at him, eyes sharp and narrowed. When Rhett reached out to close the laptop, the kitten placed a paw urgently on top of Rhett’s hand. 

“Oh, okay,” Rhett chuckled. “You like the computer, cutie? Is it warm? Do you wanna sleep on it?” The kitten didn’t seem impressed by Rhett’s baby talk. One ear twitched in annoyance.

“Mrrrrr…” it said to itself, almost thoughtfully. Rhett watched with wide, unbelieving eyes as the kitten moved closer to the keyboard, looking down as if in great concentration. One tiny paw reached out and hit a button. I. Spacebar. The spacebar was easy for it. It just put its weight on both paws and pressed down. Looking pleased, it sat back on its fluffy haunches and used its right paw to hit the A. Then M. L.

Rhett laughed and reached for his cell phone. A kitten was typing on a computer! Internet fame was just around the corner. Rhett would have another viral video on his hands – possibly their most shared video ever, judging by how well-received cats were on Youtube. Of course, he’d give Link credit too. Link would be mesmerized by this. Rhett smiled to think of how Link would giggle when he showed him. And – oh, no, his phone was dead! Dang new phones lost their charge so quickly. His old Nokia would last days and days. Then again, his old Nokia didn’t access the Internet or entertain him with crazy apps.

Then he rolled his eyes at himself. Obviously, this was a dream. He’d fallen asleep at his desk and was dreaming of typing kittens. Probably someone had sent him a kitten video just before he’d drifted off, and the video continued in his dream. But when he tested this theory by pinching his arm, it hurt. Nope. Definitely awake. Obviously he needed sleep though, or caffeine. It really did look like the kitten was trying to type.

Suddenly the little thing slipped forward, accidentally pressing a variety of keys as it tried to back off the keyboard. The computer squawked and bleeped in protest. “Hey, whoa,” Rhett picked the ball of fur up, closed Word, and shut the laptop. “That’s Link’s computer,” he scolded the tiny thing. “Bad kitty. That’s a bad kitty.”

It growled, which made Rhett laugh. What an attitude! He was beginning to like this thing. It scrabbled weakly in his hands, still looking longingly at the computer. When Rhett carried him from the room, it went limp, resigned to his fate. Or maybe it was just tuckered out. “Finally. Maybe you’ll sleep. Do you wanna sleep in my lap?” He could totally keep working while keeping his eyes on it. “We gotta find out where you came from,” he told it. “I kinda want to keep you, but I can’t.”

Clear blue eyes bored into his own. “What?” Rhett demanded. “I’ve got kids, little guy. They’re not home right now, but they’ll be home in two days. Plus I don’t even like cats. Sure, you’re cute now, but what about in a year? Then I’ll just be scoopin’ litter boxes all day and telling my younger kid to stop pullin’ your tail. You’ll eat my food and scratch me and sleep all day.” To soften his words, he scratched the kitten’s soft cheek. It leaned hard into the touch and closed its eyes, beginning to purr.

Rhett sat down at his desk and placed the kitten in his lap. The kitten sighed. _Do kittens really sigh?_ His confusion was quickly replaced by delight when the tiny thing curled into a ball and appeared to go to sleep. _It’s so dang small!_ Rhett could only feel the smallest amount of weight and warmth from the creature napping right here in his lap. A grin broke out across his bearded face and he scratched gently behind its ears with a single finger as he started on his quest.

First, he sent a mass text to every employee in their company who had worked that day. It read, _This is gonna sound weird, but did anyone bring a black kitten into the studio?_ One by one, everybody replied with a resounding “Nope.”

Secondly, Rhett called and gave a description and his contact information to two local animal shelters in case some frantic owner called there first. Finally, he made several online postings. **LOST KITTEN. VERY SMALL. BLACK W/BLUE EYES. FOUND BURBANK AREA. CONTACT RHETT AT…** He didn’t like putting out his cell phone or email with his semi-celebrity life, but he supposed this was worth the risk. Pleased, Rhett noticed that his phone was charged up enough now for one last touch. 

“Say cheese,” he told the kitten, who looked up just in time for the flash to go off. It squinted in the sudden light and flicked its tail, then tried to roll over onto its other side. Instead, it rolled into the crease between Rhett’s legs and got stuck on its back. Evidently, this was very comfortable, because its eyes closed once more. “I still can’t believe you could be lost,” he mused. “I mean, you’re too sweet to be feral. And too clean. You must’ve wandered in somehow while someone was coming in or going out…but how?”

One eye opened. “Mew.”

“Helpful,” groaned Rhett. If nobody replied to the ads in the next hour, he’d have to take the kitten home.

Nobody did.

“Guess you’re coming home with me,” Rhett said with a sigh. The kitten purred.

**

Jessie was immediately taken with the dark ball of weirdness Rhett brought in the door.

“Oh, you’re a cutie,” she said delightedly, reaching to pluck the kitten out of the box Rhett had found to carry it home in the car. “Oh, what a sweet precious thing. How did he get lost? How did you get lost, sweetie?” She rubbed the cat’s cheeks and chin until it flopped over onto its back, purring crazily. 

“It likes you,” Rhett noted. “Good. Will you help keep an eye on it this evening? I don’t want it having an accident or something.”

Jessie put the kitten back into the box, where it went up on its hind legs and mewed pitifully. “Don’t you remember what day it is?”

“Nope. I’ve been a bit distracted. I found a living, breathing devil the size of a rat under my desk today.” Rhett tried to play it cool, as if he wasn’t head over heels in love with the thing.

“I’ve got a coffee date with Sarah,” she reminded him. “I’m leaving in a few minutes. And I was going to hit the gym after. I’m probably gonna have cheesecake, and goodness knows what that’ll do to my thighs if I keep missing my morning workouts.”

“Crap.”

“And is it a boy kitty or a girl kitty? I don’t like saying ‘it’. Makes it sound like I’m talkin’ about vermin. And you’re no vermin, you’re a precious cutie-tootie. Yes, yes you are! You’re a kitty, a cute kitty!” Her baby-talk was even more shameless and weird than Rhett’s. Her hand petted the black fur repeatedly, scratching in just the right places, or so it seemed. Its eyes closed in bliss. Rhett had a lot to learn about cats.

“I don’t know. I tried to check, but he’s just so darn fluffy that I couldn’t see.”

The kitten enjoyed the back rub he was receiving, at least until Jessie pulled the same maneuver Rhett had tried and lifted his tail to peer beneath.

If cats could blush, that kitten blushed. Somehow.

“Boy kitty,” Jessie reported. “Easy enough.”

“One mystery solved,” grunted Rhett, and then something very important occurred to him. “Can you buy some kitten chow on your way home?” he asked. “We’re gonna need it.”

“Of course,” Jessie smiled. She patted the kitten’s head. “I’ll remember.” She kissed Rhett, and then bent to kiss the kitten too. Somehow it looked almost bashful, eyes darting to Rhett as if he’d be jealous over his wife kissing a kitten. “You boys have fun now,” his beautiful wife called over her shoulder as she took her keys from the hook and slipped out the door. “And behave, little guy,” she cooed at the kitten.

“Mew,” said the kitten, eyes gleaming.

**

The Internet was a liar. Kittens did not sleep for most of the day. Either that or he had a malfunctioning kitten on his hands. It zoomed around Rhett’s room, climbing whatever it could, poking its paws into everything and climbing up Rhett’s legs. It also kept trying to get to Rhett’s phone for some reason, and it scratched uselessly at Rhett’s home laptop to try and open it. To be safe, Rhett hid both devices. The kitten smacked his hand away afterward when he’d bent to pet it.

“Maybe you’re hungry,” Rhett said aloud, watching its antics. _His antics,_ he reminded himself _Boy kitty._

“Mrrrrrr-OW!” he agreed.

“Jessie will bring you food when she gets home. For now…oh, jeeze. You want milk? I don’t think you should have milk, it’s not good for you.” But what other choice did Rhett have? What if he was starving? After all, he didn’t know when the last time the kitten had eaten. “Fine, milk it is.” 

The kitten eagerly ran towards the saucer Rhett set down for him. The sight of his stubby little black legs racing across the tile made Rhett laugh aloud. Such a character. Maybe some cats were good after all. This one was special, he was convinced. There was so much human expression on that face.

“So you’ve got food,” Rhett mused as his kitten slurped up the milk greedily. His whiskers were soon covered with it. “What next? Oh – I guess I’ll need to rig up something for you to sleep in tonight…but I’ll worry about that later. For now, hmmm…” Surely there was some string for the little guy to chase. 

The kitten did not look impressed as Rhett began to dangle a piece of string before it’s hauntingly human eyes. He turned his head towards the television longingly. “Mrrr?”

“Come on, kitty,” Rhett coaxed. “Come on…get the string…”

The kitten’s tail whipped to the side. The look he gave Rhett said something like, _Are you really this dim?_

“Betcha can’t get the string!” He dragged it over the kitten’s body, hoping to catch its attention. It gave in and began to chase the string in circles, batting and biting and sometimes catching the string in his claws and throwing his whole weight down on it. The more he played, the more he seemed to enjoy himself. Rhett laughed again, trying to move fast enough to beat it. Pets really _could_ have a positive impact on people’s mental health. He never laughed hard like this when he was alone. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he ended up with the kitten for good. Jessie liked him, and maybe it could help teach his children some responsibility. His phone rang from the kitchen, but Rhett ignored it. When it rang again, he groaned and went to turn it off. 

By the time Jessie came home, Rhett had turned into a full-blown kitten enthusiast. His wife found him lying on the couch in the living room with the kitten curled in his arms. They were watching _Storage Wars_ together, with Rhett pointing out various things on the TV for the kitten’s benefit.

“Nobody likes Dave,” Rhett told him. “That’s the one that goes, _Yuuuuup!_ Barry’s the coolest. He’s not in it for the money, he just wants to have fun. He’s my favourite for sure. You think I’ll be that cool when I’m old?” The kitten _mrrr_ ed his agreement.

Jessie chuckled. “Don’t name it yet, or you’ll be even more sad when his owner comes to claim him.” She sat down beside Rhett and kissed him in greeting. “Did he have any accidents?”

“Nope. I didn’t know what to do about kitty litter, but I put him outside in the garden and I think he went. Took a while. I think he was embarrassed.”

“You must’ve caught that crazy cat lady virus,” she teased. “Look at you, you’re in love with that little guy, aren’t you?”

“Mew,” said the kitten. Rhett grinned at his wife and echoed it. “Mew,” he tried. “Jess, if we can’t find out who it belongs to, do you think we could take a shot at keeping him for good?”

“It’s a big decision, honey. But if we both like him, it might be a sign or something. Let’s wait a few days and see what happens.”

“Okay,” he agreed easily, rubbing his kitten’s ears. “The kids would love him, I bet.”

“Poor thing won’t have a moment’s rest,” she agreed, cuddling up to her tall husband. 

Soon it was time for bed. As Jessie went upstairs to brush her teeth and put on her cute blue sleep-shorts and a camisole, Rhett managed to find an enormous box, nearly the size of a refrigerator. “I’ve got you the ultimate box resort,” he announced to the kitten. “And look, here’s a soft blankie to sleep on…some kitten treats…and some water. There,” he said with satisfaction. “In you go. Goodnight.”

The kitten howled, his blue eyes full of misery. Rhett felt awfully guilty. But it wasn’t like he could just put it in his bedroom. What if he got up to use the bathroom and stepped on it? And if he put it in bed, he’d roll over and kill it. Plus, he kind of wanted to pay some attention to his wife, and a mewling kitten would only be a huge distraction. “I’m sorry, little guy. It’s the only way. Don’t worry.” 

He was worried it would meow all night, but it turned out that he had nothing to fear. It was blissfully quiet as he and Jessie drifted off after a wonderful time together, hands loosely intertwined. Sleep came faster than expected, and he was dead to the world for two solid hours before something woke him up, aggressively.

His phone was ringing. He’d turned it back on just before he fell asleep to make sure his alarm was set an hour early. The kitten would need to use the bathroom, undoubtedly. Sleepily, he reached out and fumbled blindly for it on instinct. Who in the world could be calling at this hour? Beside him, he felt Jessie wake up. “Rhett? What the heck?” she murmured, shifting in annoyance.

“If it’s anyone but the dang President, I’m gonna give ‘em a piece of my mind! This is no decent hour to call!” exclaimed the large man. The light of the screen blinded him with its brightness, his eyes unused to light after being closed for so long. He couldn’t make out who the caller was. “Hello!” he shouted into the phone after hitting the green button by some miracle. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Rhett, I’m so sorry,” came a whispered female voice. Someone was crying, Rhett knew that before he even realized who it was. He was startled into silence. Clearing his throat loudly, Rhett began again, furious at himself for yelling at a crying woman.

“I’m sorry too. Who is this?”

“It’s – it’s Christy. Do you know where Link is?”

“Link? What? He should be at home.” Obviously. “Did he go somewhere after he came home from work?”

“He never came home from work,” Christy said, tears choking her up. Icy dread seized Rhett’s stomach. Never came home? “I tried callin’ you. All evening, I tried…”

“My phone was off. Oh, God, I’m sorry. I had a bit of a distraction – but never mind that. Who else did you call?”

“Everybody!” she sobbed. “Every single damn person we know! The last message I got from him was a text just before he left work. He said he was feeling funny. Oh God, Rhett, what if he had a stroke, a heart attack, oh, I don’t know. Remember that experiment in New York where a person laid on the ground and pretended to be hurt and everyone just kept walkin’ right by without stopping to help – ”

“Shh, Christy, hey, don’t panic,” Rhett tried to soothe her, but her words bounced around in his brain until they threatened to make him start babbling and crying too. “Did you call the cops?” 

“Yes! They said it was t-too soon to file a missing persons report…I have to go do it tomorrow if he…if he doesn’t come home.” Another sob tore from her throat, and Rhett felt tears well up in his own eyes.

“What can I do?” he asked.

“What can anyone do but wait? But oh, Rhett…the kids don’t understand, I can’t tell them that their daddy’s missing…I said he’s with you. Is that okay? In case you see them…and they ask…”

“Yes, of course. Look, you won’t help Link by fretting about it this late,” Rhett managed to tell her. “I’ve had some rest. I’m going to go re-trace our usual route. Fresh eyes might help. You just focus on takin’ care of yourself and the kids. You sound exhausted.”

“Oh, Rhett, thank you so much. Thank you. Please keep me updated,” she begged.

“I will. ‘Bye for now.” Rhett hit the end call button and shot straight up in bed, heart racing. Jessie had heard most of the conversation and was already getting up too.

“Do you want me to come?”

“It’s okay, Jess, stay here. Try calling and texting Link. Christy probably has a million times, but maybe just keep trying. Get some sleep, though.” He put his clothes on at light speed and barrelled downstairs. “And take care of the kitty!” he added as the tiny thing meowed questioningly at the sight of his panic. Rhett didn’t have time to stop. He grabbed his keys and ran out the front door.

**

Link was nowhere to be found. Rhett drove slowly, looking carefully at all the cars he passed and all the people he saw. Several times he stopped to ask a group of nice-looking people if they’d seen Link. He had a million pictures of his best friend on his phone. They looked and shook their heads. Sorry, they all said. Sorry.

“I’m sorry too. Dear lord.” His last words to Link had been, _Mind keepin’ it down over there?_ when the man had been chewing a blueberry muffin far more loudly than necessary. Would those really be the last words he ever spoke to his best friend? Tears threatened to blind him and he blinked them away determinedly. Drive. Focus on driving. Maybe he should check out the studio for clues. It wasn’t a great shot, but what other options did he have?

It was strange to be at the studio so late, Rhett reflected when he unlocked the doors and flicked on the main lights. It was never this quiet during work hours. There was always laughter and fun, jokes and games, back-and-forth banter that made the time slip by so quickly that it never felt like a real job at all. This business, this partnership, it was everything to Rhett. But without Link, it was nothing. He turned in helpless circles, searching for something, some clue…

Retrace his steps. Link had gone to the bathroom, then came down this hall, turned this corner, said goodbye to Rhett, then headed out the door, to his car. His car, which was – 

Rhett’s heart nearly stopped. Link’s car was still parked outside.

_How did I miss that?!_

_Simple – its too obvious. You just weren’t looking for it._

Rhett’s confusion turned to dread. What if Link was in that car…dead from some crazy brain hemorrhage that struck without warning? Oh, he didn’t want to look…but he had to. He took a deep breath and peered through the window, waiting for the worst to be confirmed.

Empty. The car was empty. A loud sigh whooshed out of Rhett’s mouth. But wait, what was that stuff on the – 

When his brain figured it out, he gasped in shock. 

Link’s glasses were on the dashboard. His clothes – everything from his shirt to his socks – were puddled around both front seats. And, even stranger, the car was covered in black cat hairs. The driver’s side window was rolled down about halfway, and pressed into the glass was a set of tiny paw prints. As if a kitten had walked all over it. As if a kitten had climbed out the window. Absolutely nothing about the scene made sense to Rhett.

Link’s phone was on the seat, too. Rhett thrust an arm through the window and groped for it. With numb fingers, he swiped the screen to check for clues. An unfinished text message glowed on the screen. It was addressed to him. The writing style was not Link’s at all, as if he had been typing in a hell of a hurry. 

_help!_ it began. _Something is wrng. Cnt move right. fur_

_think m trning cat_

_ms a cy`11_

Rhett stared at the last coherent word with wide eyes that were red from crying. Maybe a coincidence. A mistake. Link had simply been keysmashing, and had accidentally made a real word.

But the hair…the prints…the clothing left behind…

The black silky fur of the kitten and its humanlike eyes, eyes the same colour as Link’s…

Rhett grabbed the phone and ran back to his car, breaking the speed limit for one of the first times in his life.

**

“Okay,” Rhett said, rubbing his tired eyes with a hand. “I’m going crazy. My best friend is missing, so I’m going crazy. I’m very upset. Totally makes sense. This isn’t weird at all. I am extremely traumatized.” 

The kitten regarded him with somber eyes, waiting for him to finish.

“Okay. Bear with me.” Rhett opened his laptop. “You were trying to write something before. Could you do it again?” No time to feel like an idiot. He had to find out for sure. Then he saw the kitten’s response and gasped.

He wasn’t hallucinating this time. The kitten nodded. It definitely nodded.

Rhett blew air out of his mouth loudly and opened Microsoft Word. He turned up the font size to be clearly seen from a distance and then set the laptop on the floor. The kitten brightened and stepped over to the keyboard once more, beginning with the same three letters he’d typed the first time. I, space, A, M. Space. L. I…

Rhett’s breath came faster as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.

N.

K.

I AM LINK.

“No fucking way,” Rhett gasped. It was another occasion where cursing was completely justified. His brain approved of this notion and he cursed some more. Might as well get it out of his system. “Fuck. Shit. Damn. Bitch!” 

“Well, hello to you too!” Jessie said as she entered the room. Rhett immediately went red.

“Not you, honey!”

“I know. What’s going on? Did you find him? Any clues?” She stopped dead, eyes taking in the black kitten with blue eyes – Link’s blue eyes – and the message on the screen. “Oh, hilarious, Rhett,” she admonished, looking angry now. “That’s not funny when Link’s actually missing.”

“It wasn’t me! I swear! Link, do it again – show her – ”

Link was growing more used to typing with cat arms. Cat legs. Whatever. Rhett imagined what it must be like with a keyboard twice as long as he was, standing on both his feet and hands and having to use his arms to punch the keys. There was definitely a bit of a learning curve. HI JESSIE, he spelled out, and then turned and gave her a pointed look. She was rendered speechless for a long minute.

“Hi, Link. Um…At least we know you’re not missing. I’m glad you’re not dead.”

“Meow.” Link patted out ME TOO on the keyboard. Then he tried to make a smile emoji but he couldn’t hold down the Shift key and another button at the same time. Plus his reach was too short. He practically fell onto the keyboard and ended up typing:

**;09olp**

“Smooth, Link.”

“Meow.” If a kitten could shrug, that’s exactly what Link did.

“So what do we do now?”

They looked at each other helplessly. Link typed, TELL CHRISTY. PLZ. 

“Uh, Link? She’s not gonna believe us.”

“I’ll take care of that,” Jessie promised. She looked at Rhett, who looked back at her blankly. “But in the meantime, what are we going to do?!”

Then there was a quiet crash. Link had just angrily slammed a paw down on the ceramic saucer filled with gross pink-brown slop that Whiskas had optimistically called ‘kitten food’.

“MEOW.”

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” Jessie exclaimed, suddenly all business. “Of course! Let me get you some real food! How does a chicken empanada sound?”

“Mew, mew, mew!” The kitten – Link – pranced in a circle, celebrating his success with all the pomp he could muster. 

Rhett rubbed his eyes. “Okay, so while he eats, let’s update Christy and then grab a few more hours of sleep so we can think this through with clear heads.”

“Amen,” Jessie agreed fervently, yawning.

“Mew,” said Link.

**

“Okay. Link is a cat. Only me, you and Christy know. What do we do now?” Jessie was practical as always. Rhett loved that about her. “We need outside help, but from who?”

“I bet if we got him looked at by a doctor, they’d find something different about him,” offered Rhett, examining Link carefully until his ears went back. Rhett soothed him with a pet. They were both reluctant to touch the delightfully soft kitten now that they knew they’d both been actually fondling Link the whole time, but Rhett found it rather hard to resist.

“A vet, you mean?” Jessie shook her head.

“Well, yeah. A human doctor isn’t going to look at a kitten.”

“What kind of tests do you think a vet would do? They wouldn’t believe you. And if they found something, they’d keep their mouth shut for fear of sounding crazy…or worse, they’d leak the story to the media. What might happen to Link then?”

Rhett’s mind filled with images of Link being used for medical research or testing of some kind and shook his head in mute horror. “We’re screwed!”

“We need to think outside the box,” Jessie thought out loud, tapping her fingers on the table. 

“How’re we supposed to do that?”

“Rhett, you’re amazing at coming up with original ideas. You’ve always been so creative. If anyone can come up with a solution to a problem like this, it’s you.”

But Rhett’s brain was fried. Sure, he was creative – but only when he had Link with him. On his own, what was he? Not very bright, evidently, because he couldn’t think of anything. What did he say to Link in that music video when they had a seemingly insurmountable problem?

“Call Flula,” he said out loud, with dawning hope.

“Flula?” Jessie repeated.

A glimmer of hope sparkled in Rhett’s eyes. “That man’s brain works on an entirely different level. He’s not logical. We’re sittin’ here thinking of the same things over and over, finding the most logical solutions. And it’s not working. We need to think crazy.”

“Um – okay,” Jessie said dubiously. “Whatever you think is best, Rhett.”

Her attitude did not hinder Rhett’s sudden burst of optimism. “Flula knows a lot of people,” Rhett said confidently. “You’ll see.”

Link came trotting into the room, yawning. Evidently he had been asleep. Rhett scooped him up. “Link! We’re gonna call Flula! Let’s go!”

Jessie and Link exchanged a look that Rhett either missed or chose to ignore.

**

Flula didn’t ask many questions. He listened patiently, and then said, “Dese are not things to speak of with the telly-phone. You must come make visit to me.”

“Right now?” Rhett had asked.

Flula paused. “I need half hour to make finish to my coffee drink and have glockenspiel lesson. Then, I vill be texting you. Okay?”

What else could Rhett say? “Um. Okay.”

About an hour later, Rhett found the address he’d been given and marched to the front door, wielding Link in the crook of his arm. Flula opened it before Rhett could knock.

“Hello, Link,” he said to the kitten, with grave courtesy. “Hello, Rhett. My friends. Make velcome.”

“Hi.” Rhett followed the man inside and put Link down on the coffee table, so he wouldn’t feel too left out. Also, so nobody stepped on him. The room was kind of dark. “I’m sorry if I’m interrupting anything,” he added, noticing various cables and computer equipment strewn around. “I didn’t mean to call you so early. But I’m at the end of my rope here, Flula.”

“What?” The German man frowned slightly. “Your rope? Where is your _rope_? Is that like, skip-rope, like Double-Dutch, you know?”

“No, Flula, it means – ”

“It is metaphor?” Flula’s frown deepened into a more concerned expression. “Like hanging from a rope? You make, you know, a noose, and want to – ” He mimed hanging from the ceiling. “Rhett, dis is no joke.”

“No! That’s not what it means. That’s morbid, man. It comes from an animal being tied to a leash. When it gets to the end of the rope it can’t do anything else.”

“Aah,” Flula nodded. “I see. We must not tie Link to a rope.”

“No, Flula, that’s not – never mind.” Rhett rubbed his eyes. “I need help, man. I don’t know what to do.”

“Yes, we have beeg problem here. Link is not a cat. Link is a man. Very troubling. You get in my car?”

“Sure.” Rhett didn’t care anymore. If Flula had a game plan, Rhett was willing to try anything.

“I take you to see man who can make solution anything.” Flula beamed. “A magic man. I know him very well.”

“A friend of yours,” Rhett mused. “Will he make me pay him?”

“Perhaps in alcohols and smokes,” Flula responded. “Liquor, you know, or beers. Not now, laters. Never mind. Now come, you haff to get in car. Link too. Twenty minute drive.”

What else could Rhett do but obey?

Flula didn’t lie. In twenty minutes the car was parked and both men walked along the bright sunny streets together until Flula said, “A ha!”

The man on the street corner was dressed in many layers of old stained clothing with a bright red fur-trimmed cape on top of it all. A costume Santa cape. He wore a pointy tinfoil hat and a long white beard. Seated on a blanket with his back propped up against the wall, he seemed surrounded by strange items. Rhett saw the Santa hat that went with the cape lying amongst them. The Hobo-Santa’s eyes were closed, but his head nodded along to some imagined music.

“Who is he?” whispered Rhett. “That can’t be the man you wanted to talk to.”

“He is a sorcery. Sorcery-er. Sorce…sorcerier.” Flula’s eyes circled the car as if to find confirmation of his word choice. “A wizard.”

“That’s not a sorcerer,” Rhett hissed. “That’s a crazy hobo in a fake beard and a wizard hat. It’s not even a _good_ fake beard. I can see the tag sticking out from the back.”

“Trust me,” Flula said, loudly confidently. He gestured with one hand for Rhett to be silent. “I know this man, me. He is make a great magic. It is like…” He searched for the name he was looking for, then snapped his fingers. “The Harry Potter.”

“Harry Potter,” Rhett repeated.

“The boy vizard who is make trouble with turning mean woman into beeg flying balloon.”

“I know who you meant. But look at him, Flula! I bet the only magic he can show me is how he can make a whole glass of gin disappear,” grumbled Rhett apprehensively, noting the rosy bloom of a heavy alcoholic over the non-bearded part of the hobo-wizard’s face and how he could not sit up straight. 

“It is not easy to make a magic in LA, where the movie-shows are very flashy-flashy, you know. Magic is not smokes and bing-bangs, not as fun,” Flula said, sadly. “He is drink too much, yes. No work.”

“Flula!” Homeless Santa staggered to his feet as they approached. “How are ya, buddy? Man! It’s been too long!” Despite his apparent inability to walk a straight line, the man’s speech was clear.

“It has been a very long time, yes,” Flula nodded and his eyebrows went up and down. “I am sorry to make troubles for you, but dis man here has an iss-yoo with the magics. You are best man to help, I know dis.”

The old man’s bloodshot eyes looked up at Rhett. “My, you’re a tall one. What seems to be the problem?”

“Uh….” Rhett held up Link. “This kitten is actually an ordinary man.” He has a brief flash of what he must look like to the people driving by on the street. Two men standing with a dollar-store Santa Claus, one holding a kitten out for the hobo’s inspection. Fervently he prayed to God that there weren’t any Mythical Beasts around to recognize him. _I should have worn my hat and sunglasses._

“I’ve seen this before, many times,” Santa said lightly, fingering his fake plastic beard. There were small sparkles sprinkled throughout it, Rhett noticed. It did not help the man’s credibility. Neither did the tinfoil hat shining in the sun. 

Rhett was surprised. “Really? How did they keep it quiet from the news and stuff?” _Don’t stare at the hat. Don’t do it._

“Oh, yes. Dear boy, are you going to go tell everyone that your friend has become a kitten? No, you won’t. They will believe you are crazy. People are always so quick to believe one is crazy. And please, my tall friend, quit looking at my hat, it is _quite_ effective at shielding me from my enemies’ electromagnetic weapons.” He put his Santa hat over the tinfoil. “Better, though this is so warm. Never mind that. What will determine the cure is the nature of the transformation. Is it a punishment? Has your friend committed some sort of offense?”

“Offense?” laughed Rhett. “Link is the sweetest guy alive. He’s wonderful. What do you mean by that?” This whole thing was simply ridiculous. 

Flula was nodding along with Rhett’s words. “Link is very nice man,” he told his crazy friend.

“Well,” Hobo-Santa said, “I once had to help a man whose brother had been changed into a woman. This brother’s offense was talking very loudly about how easy it must be to be a woman, and how they were silly and insipid compared to men. So you see, the magical forces that guide our universe decided to give him a strict lesson. He did not change back until he had realized the error of his ways and made the appropriate apologies.”

“Well, Link definitely hasn’t been abusing cats or anything.” Inwardly, Rhett marvelled at the man’s story. Secretly he thought that those magical forces were pretty cool in that case. In this one, he wasn’t so sure. “Maybe they made a mistake?”

Flula leaned against a streetlamp and began tapping out a beat on a metal bicycle dock, humming to himself.

Santa shook his head. His beard began to fall off and he quickly re-adjusted it. “They don’t make mistakes, m’boy. If it’s not a punishment, it might be something else entirely. Sometimes the universe can see the signs of something that is supposed to happen, or meant to be. They can’t directly interfere, but they can help people realize what they must do.”

“What possible benefit could there be into Link being a kitten?” wondered Rhett. “And what do kittens even have to do with it?”

The old man tilted his head. “It could be a nod to his personality. It could reflect his own desire to have the qualities of a kitten. Or it could have just been the right domino to tap to start the right series of events. Perhaps he is just meant to be very cute, to draw someone’s attention. The most obvious thing is…whose attention?”

Silence fell, broken by Flula beginning to sing along to the beat.

“Okay, Rhett, give him here,” the crazy man croaked. “Let me see the kitten.”

Rhett clutched Link tighter, wide-eyed. “Um – I’m sorry, but…I’d rather not.” Link mewed very quietly, and Rhett hugged him right against his chest. The wizard hobo’s eyes softened.

“You do not trust me,” said the wizard. “You love him very much.”

“Yes, I do. He’s my best friend.” Rhett hastily blinked away the threat of tears.

“Very well. On to solutions.” Clapping his hands, Hobo Santa smiled. “Tell me, how did the prince wake Sleeping Beauty?”

“He kissed her. Why does that matter?”

“When Ariel the mermaid wanted to become human, what did her human prince Eric have to do within three days to prevent her from turning back into a mermaid once more?”

“I’m pretty sure he had to kiss her, too. The kiss of true love.”

“Snow White in a trance?”

“A kiss.” Rhett was beginning to see a pattern. 

“And the frog, what had to happen for him to turn into a handsome prince?”

“A kiss.” Rhett frowned. “Wait a minute. Are you saying…” Even though Magic Santa here was clearly a little off his rocker, maybe he had a point.

“A kiss is the answer,” sang the wizard, swaying drunkenly. Flula shot out an arm to steady him. “Thank you, good sir.”

“You are velcome.”

This was certainly a starting point. It was true that kisses were very magical in fairy tales and Disney. Then again, this was real life. But men didn’t turn into kittens in real life, so maybe this was a fairy tale. “Maybe all life is but a fairy tale,” he murmured to himself. “I don’t know what that means, but it sounded wise in my head.”

Flula patted Rhett’s arm. “You must get more sleep. You do not make the logic.”

“But wait!” Rhett cried suddenly, ignoring the large German man. “He _was_ kissed already. My wife kissed him, before she knew it was Link!” 

“Ah,” exclaimed the wizard, “but not every kiss is the same, right? To kiss your wife, that is different from kissing a stranger.”

“Of course,” Rhett said indignantly. “I love my wife.”

“Love,” sighed the wizard, suddenly sad. “Love is the most powerful magic in the world, sir.”

Flula nodded. “The Harry Potter said so too. Not the boy-wizard. The old one. Doombadore.”

“So you see,” the wizard said. “The kiss must be the kiss of true love.”

“So all we have to do is get Christy to kiss him!” cried Rhett in excitement. “Perfect! She’s with him right now!”

“It mightn’t be that easy,” the wizard warned. “This magic that changed your friend – it doesn’t strike at random. It does not happen when the solution is so obvious. Who is Christy? His girlfriend?”

“She’s his wife.”

“Then she won’t work,” concluded the wizard. “Love already discovered is a different magic. A magic that doesn’t require cosmic interference.”

“So…the magic wants us to find Link’s other soul mate, even though he’s already married,” Rhett concluded. “This doesn’t sound like a fairy tale to me. Do we just line up all the women we find and get them to kiss him until something happens?” Absurdly, he felt like crying again. “This is hopeless! I just want my best friend back. I’d do anything for him. I _love_ him. But this – this just sounds so stupid!”

Flula and the wizard stared at him pityingly. 

“What?” Rhett asked, throwing up his hands.

The wizard shot Flula a significant look, then said, “Nothing, nothing. This is all part of the lesson you must learn. Soon, I think, you will understand. Remember, the solution is often right under your nose.”

For a moment, the crazy man in the tinfoil hat and fake beard looked as wise and powerful as Gandalf the Grey. Then he lit a hand-rolled cigarette and asked, “Could you spare some change, by any chance? I could use some sherry.”

Rhett supposed he owed the man something for services rendered, and gave him a twenty. “If I find Link’s true love,” he told the wizard, “I’ll get you the biggest bottle of the best wine I can find.”

Flula and the sorcerer shared another exasperated look. 

“He vill figure it out,” the friendly German DJ told the homeless Santa in a conspiratorial tone of voice. “Ve all say, it vas going to happen one day.”

Rhett threw up his hands. He had no idea what the two strange friends were talking about. “Guess I’ve got work to do.”

**

“Did you boys figure something out?” Jessie carefully spooned a tiny portion of scrambled eggs onto the teacup saucer Link was using as a plate. Link twitched his whiskers hungrily as the steam filled his extra-sensitive nose. 

“I’ll explain after breakfast. I’m half-starved.” Rhett dug into his plate with enthusiasm. “It’s been a strange day so far, Jess.” 

Link licked egg from his furry lips and shot Rhett a highly amused look.

“Good eggs, honey,” Rhett commented, making Jessie smile at him. Link purred and licked his saucer clean as if in agreement, and Jessie looked even more pleased.

“I see you must have found _something_ out,” she said. “You two sure are in a good mood.”

When they were done eating, the kitten jumped off the table and ran to the door. “Bathroom again?” Rhett got to his feet and opened the door. “Fine, fine, go on.” 

While Link tended to those personal matters, Rhett turned to Jessie and started to talk. He told her about Flula, and the wizard, and about fairy tales, and how a kiss would change Link back into a man. “But it has to be a kiss of true love. And it’s not Christy because she’s already his true love. So who in the world could it be? What are we gonna do?”

She only looked confused. “Well…isn’t it obvious?”

“What the heck do you mean?”

The tension in the room suddenly thickened. Jessie slowly put her fork down and raised her clear, knowing warm brown eyes to Rhett’s face. “Rhett…”

Rhett felt heat flood his face and ears, turning both an impressive shade of crimson. He couldn’t seem to speak or move. After so many years of thinking he’d been hiding his true feelings so well that they’d been nearly forgotten, had he been so obvious all along?

Jessie felt her husband’s turmoil and placed a hand on his knee. “You’ve loved Link forever, Rhett. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you that you need to stop denying your feelings.”

Rhett stared at the floor, unable to meet Jessie’s understanding gaze. “It’s…it’s not like that at all. I love _you_ , Jessie. You’re my wife – I didn’t take those vows lightly.”

“I’ve always known,” she continued patiently. “It’s so obvious. To me, and to Christy. I know you love me too, and you’ve been the best husband I could have ever asked for, but Link…he completes you. And I don’t mind sharing. You two are together so much anyway, it’s not like anything will change.”

“But I’m not in love with him,” lied Rhett instinctively. His face burned. Lying to his wife was impossible. “I mean – ”

Jessie just rolled her eyes. “Sure, honey. Now stop trying to fool me and go turn your frog back into a prince.”

**

Rhett put Link on the floor of the GMM studio. Everything was very quiet. He had made sure to tell all of his employees to sleep in and take the morning off – he was having a bit of a personal crisis, but nothing to worry about. Hopefully, when they got here, Link would be a man again and this whole experience would be behind them. Kitten and man regarded each other in silence for a few long moments. The contrast between the six-foot-seven giant and the miniscule black ball of fur was startling.

“Here we are,” Rhett told the kitten that was also his best friend and ‘true love’. “This is it. The moment of truth.” _At least, if Crazy Santa actually knew what he was talking about._ “Okay. Okay, I’m ready.”

“Mew,” Link said pointedly, when a minute of dead silence had gone by and Rhett had made no move to go for it.

Rhett winced. “Sorry, sorry. Just, um, dealing with some stupid weird thoughts.” He tried to give Link a confident face. _Confidence is sexy. Be confident. Show Link that you mean business._ But then another small detail distracted him. “So…does it have to be on the mouth?” Rhett considered the matter, remembering illustrations from fairy tales. He was pretty sure that Sleeping Beauty had been kissed on the mouth. Actually, in the original version, the prince impregnated her in her sleep. But that was irrelevant. And very messed up. “What about the frog prince?” Rhett wondered out loud. “I don’t think the princess kissed him on the lips. I think the location of the kiss isn’t important at all. I hope not. You’ve got cat breath, Link. How do you get cat breath when you don’t eat cat food?”

The kitten suddenly looked uncomfortable. One hind leg moved uncertainly, then came cautiously up and over his back to touch his head. Link’s impatient expression turned blissful as he managed to figure out the frantic kicking motion required to scratch his left ear.

Rhett watched the process with fascination. “Whoa, man, you’re so flexible. Does that feel weird or what?” _He’s not that flexible as a human,_ Rhett thought, _but I wonder exactly how flexible he is?_ Those lovely thoughts made him turn red again. He’d been blushing far too often as of late.

Link growled and Rhett remembered what they were supposed to be doing. “Oh. Sorry. Okay – how are we gonna do this?” He tried to pick Link up in his hands, but he just growled again and backed away.

“I see what you mean,” Rhett agreed. “What if you turn back into yourself while I’m still holdin’ you? I’ll break my wrists and drop you. In fairy tales I think you just sort of pop back into your true form. It could be dangerous. They don’t consider the consequences.”

Link’s tail curled over his feet primly as he nodded in agreement with Rhett’s assessment.

“Okay,” Rhett said. “I’ll get down on the floor, then.” And he did, awkwardly. “And, uh.” _Be confident, dangit!_ “Come here into my arms so you don’t bang your head off that desk once you pop back into a human.”

“Mrrrr.” Link finally sounded impressed with Rhett’s plans. He trotted forward, chubby hindquarters wobbling with his stride, and came readily into Rhett’s waiting hands and arms. Fluffy black fur that smelled woodsy and minty and very Link-like brushed Rhett’s bare skin pleasantly. Link’s little body was so _warm_ , and Rhett could feel the kitten’s heart racing beneath his chest. Perhaps that was normal speed for a cat heart. Or maybe, just maybe, Link was nervous too. 

“Please let this work,” Rhett murmured, gazing into Link’s eyes. “I love you, man. I really think I do.” He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to a fluffy cheek and stayed there for a long moment. Stiff whiskers poked into his eyelids annoyingly, but Rhett didn’t care. He could hear Link begin to purr, the sensations rumbling through his lips and face, making him smile, and then suddenly – 

A noise like thunder split the air, and Rhett’s field of vision was obscured by a brilliant pure white light that eclipsed the room. He gasped in awe. It was true magic. The wonderment quickly disappeared when the light faded and turned into what looked like a spray of cheap-looking fine pink glitter, like the kind you could get in the kids’ craft section at the toy store. It was possibly the cheesiest magical effect he could have ever thought up. _Really? Pink glitter?_ Rhett thought to himself, a little annoyed that this moment wasn’t more beautiful and dramatic. Singing would be nice. A choir of heavenly angels to celebrate true love’s kiss. Or maybe whatever cosmic force that had turned Link into a kitten could come down and explain itself before vanishing mysteriously into thin air. 

“ _Ow!_ ” Rhett yelped as his body was jerked unceremoniously. The glitter disappeared. Suddenly he wasn’t lying on the floor, but on top of a very bony person. Limbs flew everywhere and an elbow dug into Rhett’s side while his forehead smacked right off Link’s forehead – Link’s human forehead. 

“Link!” he cried. “Oh, Link, it worked! Are you okay?” To his astonishment, Rhett realized that his entire body was shaking like a leaf. To steady himself he seized the man beneath him in a crushing bear hug. “Link, Link,” Rhett kept saying, desperate and happy and terribly nervous all at once. “I missed you so much.”

“Mmmf,” said Link into Rhett’s shoulder, struggling gently to break free.

“Oh, sorry.” Rhett propped himself up with his hands and Link’s red, sweaty face appeared, gasping for air. “How do you feel?” he asked his blessedly human friend anxiously.

“Well…” Link began dubiously, eyes shifting away from Rhett’s.

Panic flooded the taller man. “What? You don’t feel normal? Is something wrong? Are you feeling sick? Should we call Flula? Take you to the wizard man? Or a hospital?”

“No, no, calm down. It’s just that I’m…I’m kind of…” Link rubbed his head and winced. “I feel fine – but, I’m – um – I’m _naked_ , Rhett.”

One quick look confirmed this delicious detail. “Yeah,” Rhett breathed, his arousal beginning to stir. “Yeah, you are. That’s okay, man. Look at you. You are beautiful. I’ve seen you naked before and I’ve always wanted to be able to stare as long as I could.” He wanted to take Link right then and there on the floor of their workplace, but common sense prevailed and he settled for placing a kiss on the red mark he’d left on Link’s forehead. 

Link didn’t look entirely displeased by the compliment, but he still shook his head and crossed one thigh over his crotch to try and hide himself. “Can you maybe get me a pair of jeans and a shirt from the costume closet? Being naked at work just feels too weird.”

Rhett looked longingly at all the bare skin _right there_ , that nice smooth tanned body with its whorls and thickets of sable hair begging to have fingers run through it, but did as he was asked. He even averted his eyes like a gentleman when he returned with Link’s Captain Planet tee and the softest, most worn jeans he could find. There was no clean underwear here and Link needed to be comfortable.

“Thanks, Rhett.” Link smiled up at him as he stood up and slipped into the clothes handed to him. “It’s good to be back. I’ve missed being able to talk to you and – Whoa!” Out of nowhere, he lost his balance and lurched to one side. 

Rhett turned, quick as a wink, and caught Link in his arms smoothly. In his mind he pictured himself as a handsome prince, holding his rescued damsel in his arms. “I’ve got you, Link. I’ve got you,” he said manfully, in his deepest and sexiest voice. _I am your Prince Charming, and I will protect you,_ he boasted to himself. He was feeling very smug. He brushed hair off of Link’s forehead and looked into his eyes with concern. “Are you feeling faint or dizzy? Do you need to lie down? I could carry you to the couch. I could carry you all the way home.”

“Easy there, Rhett, I’m not some swooning fairy-tale princess,” Link complained, struggling to hide a smile at Rhett’s attempt at gallantry. “I’m fine. It’s just that being bipedal is really hard when you’re not used to it.”

“I think you should lie down anyway,” Rhett decided. “On top of me, so you’re comfortable.” The words were out of his mouth before he could re-consider them. That wasn’t a very princely thing to say, but at least it was honest. _Being honest is as sexy as being confident,_ Rhett told himself firmly.

“Wow, Rhett, you’re so subtle,” Link drawled, rolling his eyes. But his lips twitched and Rhett knew he wanted to laugh. The smaller man waited patiently for Rhett to get settled on his back before straddling him. “Is this what you wanted?” Link wiggled his hips until his butt was planted firmly just below the juncture of Rhett’s thighs where things were definitely perking up with interest. 

“Yeah,” Rhett practically moaned. “Oh, yeah, this is good. Kiss me, Link.” 

The brunet bent down and kissed him, lips soft and moist and slightly parted. After a few seconds he made as if to pull away, but then his eyes seemed to darken and he went back in for more, hands sliding into Rhett’s hair with passion. This time, their tongues met briefly before Link shakily sat up to compose himself. “Wow,” he breathed. “Just wow, Rhett. That was…wow. You’re a good kisser. I’ve always wanted to do that…but I never thought you’d let me.”

“I guess the universe had something to tell us, huh?” Rhett grinned. He felt amazing. Almost drunk. High on life. Intoxicated by the heady mixture of Link’s sweet blue eyes and irresistible lips and the gloriously round butt planted firmly in his lap. Rhett decided then and there that he was going to grab a feel of that butt as soon as he could. He’d wanted to get a handful of it for years. His own butt was so flat in comparison. Many a time he had wondered why more people didn’t mention how great Link’s butt was. Rhett knew his thoughts were heading in a very un-gentlemanly direction but found it hard to care. 

Link suddenly looked shy, or as shy as he could look while almost sitting on Rhett’s crotch with pink cheeks, tousled hair and clothing that was slightly dishevelled from the haphazard way the man had quickly pulled it on. “We could’ve been doin’ this for years if only I had the courage to tell you how I really felt sooner. I should have been brave enough to say it. I should have…but I guess that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I…I love you, Rhett.”

It wasn’t the first time Link had said it, but it was certainly the first time he’d ever said it with such conviction and depth. Rhett’s brain began to spin and he even stopped thinking about Link’s butt for the time being. “I love you too, Link. I’ve always loved you. I don’t know how I kept myself from just jumpin’ into your bed back in college. Jessie was right. The crazy wizard man was right. Flula was right. I’m in love with you and I’m not gonna hide it ever again.” Rhett felt himself swelling with emotion. That last kiss had awakened all the fire inside of him.

Link went beet-red and tried to rise up on his knees. “I feel the same way…but – ” He tossed a panicked look over Rhett’s shoulder. “The door is – I think I hear – _Rhett_ – !”

“No, Link.” Rhett was on a roll. He reached up and grabbed Link’s shoulders so he could look right into his love’s eyes. “Let me finish. You are, without a doubt, the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Without you, I’d be nothing. I think about you every day and dream about you almost every night. And when I thought you were missing, I felt as if I’d died. I never want to feel that way again, Link. I want to kiss you every day for the rest of my life. I love you, Charles Lincoln Neal the Third. I always have, and I always will.” He pulled Link down to punctuate this speech with a sloppy kiss, breathless and wild in his passion. So wild that he didn’t notice that they were no longer alone in the studio. 

Somebody started to clap. Then another person joined in. And another, and another…

“What – ” Rhett turned to look, and suddenly it was like every employee they had was standing in the doorway, beaming at them. 

“Gosh, guys, I’m so happy for you!” Stevie exclaimed with the biggest smile Rhett had ever seen on her face. 

Lizzie seemed impressed, and more than a little moved. “That was a great speech.”

Eddie chimed in. “Yeah, took you guys long enough, jeeze. But really, on the floor?”

“Take him on a proper date,” Becca cheered. “Romance isn’t dead!”

“What are you all doing here?” Rhett demanded. “I said you could start at twelve!”

“You said you were having a rough morning,” Eddie grinned. “We didn’t think that meant – well, whatever’s happenin’ with you two right now. Man, you should have put a sock on the door or something.”

“You sounded so stressed out on the phone,” Stevie said. “We thought you guys were having some sort of personal emergency or that something had gone wrong. So we thought we’d surprise you. So we made something to cheer you up.”

Chase and Jen appeared holding a giant cake between them. It was magnificent. In beautiful cursive icing, someone had written _Coolest Bosses Ever._

Rhett felt himself choking up a little. “You _made_ that?”

“I did the writing on it,” boasted Chase. 

“I got to lick the frosting spatula _and_ the bowl after,” boasted Eddie.

“It was really Stevie and Jen that did most of it,” Becca told them loyally.

“I just found a recipe online,” Stevie demurred, sweet and modest.

“Grab the icing pipe thing,” Jen told Chase. “We need to put ‘Congratulations’ on it too. And put a heart around it all.”

“Well,” Link said with a sigh, “they were gonna find out one way or another.”

Rhett didn’t even blush this time. He just started to laugh.

**

“This whole magic adventure has been incredible,” Rhett said happily at the end of the day, squeezing Link’s hand as they cuddled up on the couch together to watch TV. “What a journey. I can’t believe that crazy man actually knew what he was talking about.” Rhett had gone back to give the wizard a hundred-dollar bill, advising him to buy a nice hot meal and a new coat. The crazy old guy had immediately brightened and ignored Rhett’s advice to respond, “No more cheap sherry for me! I’m gonna buy a whole bottle of Grey Goose! The good life!”

Link shot him a look. “Incredible? ‘Magic adventure’? Maybe for you, Rhett! It wasn’t exactly a walk in the park for me. Gosh, whoever made that cat food should be imprisoned. No, wait – decapitated.”

“That’s a little extreme, man. The meat’s probably close to whatever’s in hot dogs, right? And you’ve eaten worse things.” Rhett smiled at the memory of Link as a kitten. “When you were chasin’ the string, it was so darn cute. I wanted to keep you forever.”

Link shuddered. “I have spent the last two days wipin’ my butt on the grass. None of you thought to bring me some toilet paper.”

“Cats can’t use toilet paper.”

“Because cats clean themselves with their tongues, dude. I could have used toilet paper if you put some on the ground for me.”

“Ew, Link. Way to ruin the mood.”

“And you kept watching me when I was trying to go, what was up with that?”

“I wanted to make sure you _did_ go!”

“I couldn’t do it with you looking right at me.” Link folded his arms stubbornly. “It was awful.”

Rhett threw up his hands. “I was just trying to tell you how exciting it was that we finally wised up to each other. And that you made a super-cute kitten.”

“I did like it when you were petting me,” the brunet admitted. He snuggled up tighter to the big man, and Rhett began to stroke his hair. Link closed his eyes and sighed happily. “If I could still purr, I’d be doin’ it right now.”

Rhett chuckled suddenly. “I just remembered how Jessie had to check if you were a boy or girl kitty. Oh, gosh, that’s hilarious.”

“Shut up. And if I ever have to poop on your geraniums with you watching me again, I’ll disappear for real.” Link squirmed and flexed his hands into loose fists. “Oh, opposable thumbs, I’ve missed you,” he said to them. “I feel like I can do anything. I can run. I can go online. I can shower. I can pick things up. I might not be as cute, but...”

“You’re still adorable,” Rhett said, and then felt embarrassed. “I mean…uh…” He wasn’t used to saying stuff like this out loud so casually when he’d trained himself to bury these forbidden feelings for so long.

Link gave him a crooked smile. “I’d prefer ‘hot’ or ‘handsome’,” he said. “But I guess that’ll do.”

Rhett kissed him again. “Do you think you can still do that thing where you get your leg up high enough to touch your ear? For some reason, I’m very curious to see you try.” He gave Link a lecherous wink. 

Link rolled his eyes but smiled. “Gosh, Rhett, really?” He swatted playfully at the hands that tried to wriggle into his lap and between his legs. “You know I’m not that flexible.”

“Mmm. Well, I’m sure you’ve got some other tricks up your sleeve.”

“Maybe after the movie, we can go upstairs and I’ll show you,” Link’s boyish, exuberant voice became soft and sultry. The effect on Rhett’s body was immediate.

“Screw the movie,” Rhett decided. Link jumped to his feet at the same time as Rhett did.

They lived happily ever after.

**Author's Note:**

> *shrugs* I'm not sure what happened either, but here it is.


End file.
